I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
