i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
