Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
third nipple confirmed
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
