Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
