you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
