franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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