And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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