well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
