you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
How external is "for external use only"?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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