and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
