I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
