I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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