Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
