I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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