so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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