Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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