Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
