I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
