did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
