you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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