Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
