Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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