Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
