Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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