She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
