i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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