Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
