my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
