I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
