Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
