He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
