I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
