i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
