Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So here I am, sexting at work.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
