please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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