i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
