1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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