her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
