Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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