I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
