I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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