Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
