erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
