can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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