Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Enjoy the penises
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
