My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
