the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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