Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
