At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
