walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
jump out the window naked night went bad
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