well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
