Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
