I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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