You can't special order awesome
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
