a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
