hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
