I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just found a bag of teeth...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
