Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
