Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
